|
Children need boundaries set on their physical movement and limits set on their behaviour. A small tot needs to learn quite early that he/she should not go beyond the fence or touch the hot stove. Just as babies must learn not to run off the top of the stairs, children must be taught the physical limits of the world or else they could seriously hurt themselves. The behavioural limits we set are the ones that enable the child to function normally within society. These limits give children a sense of security as well as a sense of place. Both are equally important.
Parents shouldn't judge a child's disobedience or misbehaviour purely as naughtiness on the child's part, it should also be viewed as learning experiences. This doesn't mean that children should be allowed to do as they wish, this would amount to irresponsible parenting, but parents should let children know the consequences of their actions and then act when the disobedience or misbahaviour reappears. Oftentimes the parent will not have to act as the child's continuance will bring repercussions from others, particularly peers. This is how we learn, both children and adults.
Children will normally give strong indications as to when they want to push their physical boundaries. It is important for parents to recognise the child is doing this because of curiousity, because of the need to know what's happening "over there'. If the parent rejects the desire to explore out of hand, without explanation then the child will build up resentment, but if the parent negotiates new limits and explains the reasons then the child will settle into the new routine quickly. Be aware though that these new limits will one day be questioned.
The ability to negotiate and the types of limits depends on the age of the child. Around four or five is a good age to start negotiating with a child, before this age it is usually necessary to send behaviour messages through physical restraint. Also, the types of negotiating become increasingly complex as the child matures.
A good place to start is to give a responsibility with the increased freedom. For example, if your child wants to be able to go next door to play, they must come and tell you first and must not go anywhere else, other than home. Next door may be the only place that they are allowed to visit without your permission. Later on the rule might change to one where the child can visit next door or the park across the road but they must let you know when they are changing locations and they must first show you they have road sense before being allowed to cross the road on their own.
As the child gets older the physical limits get relaxed but the behavioural limits become a little more exacting. In this way as the child gains freedom they take on more responsibility, this sets them up for later on in life. As an example, a parent could place a requirement on the child that they will be polite to the adults and put away toys they play with while there.
By increasing responsibilities with the increased freedom the child learns unconsciously that there are increasing demands on the individual as they are allowed to do more, which will save a lot of conflict with parents later on.
| 
